Holy Bones (In Honor of All Hallow’s Eve and All Saints Day)

“Bring Polycarp!” someone else shouted, and thus the manhunt for the bishop of Smyrna began. He wasn’t hard to catch. He was eighty-six years old and power scooters hadn’t been invented yet. So soon, the crowd brought him before the proconsul for questioning. Things went south fairly fast. The proconsul wanted Polycarp to deny his faith and go home, which seemed like a reasonable request. But alas, Polycarp refused. Losing his patience, the judge yelled, “Out with the atheist!” To which Polycarp yelled back. “Yes! Out with the atheists!” And he pointed to the crowd. Well, that didn’t help.

Penile Substitution

If you ever had any doubt whatsoever that the Church was patriarchal, consider the fact that the very first BIG fight the early Christians got into was over what the penis should look like (Acts 15).